Understanding Myself Through Human Design
How my chart changed everything.
I wanted to do a deep dive into my chart and show how learning my chart allowed me to understand myself better. How it's made me feel more confident going into relationships, how it's given me the words that I can use to explain to a partner or a potential partner what my needs are. How it's made me way more understanding of my strengths as well as my areas of struggle. It has given me more awareness of the areas that I can be or tend to be influenced by others.
My hope is that you see where my insights (awareness) help me to give myself grace and to take more (intentional) action..
Next week we will dive deeper into my philosophy [which *hint* is about awareness and intentional action] as well as more about what sport and performance psychology is and what human design is. And the other modalities I like to weave into my practice.
Type – Projector
Type is about how our energy works.
I feel like learning that I am a Projector really gave me permission to not keep up with everyone else. Our gift is in how we see, not how much we can do. I always wondered why I was so tired, especially after 30, I just felt like I hit a wall. And I needed a lot more space and downtime. But that also made me feel so lazy.
Even though I was so productive with a lot on my plate
- I was a full-time student, working full time, working out very regularly, and studying human design, and running a business (it actually makes me exhausted just writing out that list) -
I felt like I was never doing as much as other people and was bummed when I would just be too exhausted to push through and do the other things that I felt like I “should” do.
It helped me to understand myself and be willing to advocate for myself when I need downtime. I don't feel bad about it anymore. I know I am incredibly efficient with my time and energy and it just looks different than most people.
Projectors are here to guide and to lead. Our gift is in what we see, not how much we do.
In a society created around generators, that can be a problem. The more exhausted I am, the less I am able to tap in to my gifts. So the more I “do” the less I am in my zone of genius. And the more stuck and bitter I feel. It is hard to have to choose between what is meant for you and what society expects of you. And finding some sort of balance here has been key for me.
There is also this saying that always comes to mind. I have heard people say it throughout my life with a negative connotation: “Those who can’t do, teach.”
So I always had this block around teaching things, especially if I wasn’t the best at “doing” the thing. Being a projector and understanding how my energy works, how I see things in a different way, how I am here to help make tweaks, improve systems and efficiency, and give valuable insights to help others do what they do better… it has all lead to me truly appreciating this gift of sight rather than being bitter about what I cannot do (or what would burn me out to do).
Ultimately being a Projector helped me realize that I was designed to be incredibly effective, not constantly busy. I could stop trying to keep up with everyone else. I could trust my way of working. And most importantly—I could honor my need for rest without feeling guilty or lazy. And it has informed how I will show up in my business and in relationships.
Strategy – Wait to be Recognized and Invited
Strategy is how we create aligned opportunities.
As a projector (especially as with my 5 line - more on that in a minute) I constantly see how people can improve things, I see solutions and I just want to help them solve their issues so badly. I look at systems and see the tweaks that would make things flow so much easier.
But I have learned that I need to wait for people to ask, or for them to at least be open to my advice. Giving unsolicited advice, which repels people, turns into bitterness for me real quick.
And I don’t know that I would have ever made that connection if it wasn’t for Human Design.
It also helped me understand the deep bitterness I used to feel in relationships or work dynamics where I wasn’t being recognized. That feeling of invisibility? It was real. But now, I understand where it comes from and how to shift out of it—starting with recognition of myself.
It also explains why I have always struggled in sales and business where cold calls/reach outs were required. Projectors are NOT meant to do this. I now only choose business coaches who understand this otherwise it is a waste of my time and money.
And now I know that it is my responsibility to make myself visible so others know I am available to be invited to share my insights. It is also my responsibility to check in with myself to see if I feel that I am being recognized in my relationships or if they are no longer aligned.
Not Self – Bitterness
Not self is a signpost that things are off track or out of alignment.
For me as a projector, my not self is bitterness. I definitely feel very, very, very bitter and resentful when I am not being seen or recognized for my gifts and the things that I think are so important that I bring to the table. I allow this sign post to guide me. When I recognize that I am feeling bitter I can check in. It usually stems from 1 of 2 places.
Either I am feeling very unseen and unrecognized OR I have given unsolicited advice and it went ignored.
It is always a sign for me to reflect (awareness) and then make aligned decisions (intentional action).
Authority – Self-Projected
Authority is how we make our most aligned decisions.
My authority is called self-projected, or talk it out. I am literally meant to talk my decisions out.
It works best for me when I have someone who knows this about me and I can say “hey when you have a minute I need to process something” or “hey I need help making a decision, can you just let me process this out loud”.
I know that it is my responsibility to make it clear that I am not asking for their insights or feedback or help actually making the decision, I just need someone to listen while I process. Sometimes probing questions are helpful too.
I have also been leaning into AI for this. I often talk things out with Chat GPT. I can also voice note or journal in a pinch but talking conversationally usually helps me process the best.
I had a lot of conditioning around this as well.. In society there are some phrases and sayings out there that have to do with talking just to hear yourself talk. And it has a negative connotation about people who talk too much, or talk out loud to themselves, or who don't engage the other person in actual conversation. And so that blocked me for a long time from actually talking things out.
And when I learned that I was a self-projected projector, I was like, oh my god, this makes so much sense. I do actually want to talk just to hear myself talk because it helps me to process and make decisions.
It turns out, I’m not talking just to hear myself talk. I’m talking to hear myself think. To access my truth. To know what feels aligned. That kind of clarity only comes through my voice.
I think of it like a jumbled ball of yarn. And all my thoughts are in my brain like this jumbled up, knotted ball of yarn. And as I speak it untangles the ball and comes out as a single coherent string (or stream of words). And then, as it's coming out is when I realize that either I'm lit up by or excited by what I'm saying or I realize it's a yes or a no or I just get clarity as that confusion of the jumbled ball of yarn gets straightened out.
That’s when I know: yes, this is what I want. Or no, this isn’t aligned.
My best friends know that's just how I process, and they know I'm not asking for advice or feedback, that I just need somebody to listen while I verbally process. And that's been super helpful, and it will also be very helpful in a relationship. While I think that's a great tip for every relationship, for someone to tell their partner, if they're looking for advice or feedback or just someone to listen, I think it's especially important for self-projected projectors like me to be able to say, hey, I just need to process this out loud. I don't want your feedback or advice because I'm trying to come to my own clarity or decision or whatever it is.
Profile – 5/1
Profile is often referred to as the “role” you are here to play. It also speaks a lot to how you learn.
My profile is 5/1. The problem solver/heretic (5) and investigator (1).
I just want to acknowledge first that with profiles, there is a really strong resonance with people who share the same profile, and that's just something that's really nice to know especially when we are talking about relationships.
Having a 5 line means I often get projected onto and people just make assumptions about me and try to put me into a box. It's very weird.
The 5 line makes people look at us with savior energy and when we let them down, is when we become the heretic, people will want to metaphorically burn us at the stake.
I have felt this so strongly, the expectation for me to solve all the problems. Learning this through the lens of Human Design has been incredibly helpful and has let me know how important it is for me to be very very clear in my offerings and what people can expect. To leave less room for mistaken expectations.
I have had to learn boundaries and to make sure I am clear about what problems I am here to solve (and which ones I am not).
The projections can also feel like a box. Like people put us on a pedestal and in a box that they think we should fit in, so it is really important that we have the space to show up as our full self. This is key for me in a relationship. In the past I have been in relationships where only certain parts were adored or accepted, so I would try to contort myself into their expectation of me because that’s where I felt seen and recognized (projector) and because I was very codependent (undefined emotional center – coming up).
5 lines are here to bring unique and innovative solutions in a consultative capacity. Sort of like swoop in, save the day, and then swoop back out. It is just important that we clearly express what problems we have the capacity to swoop in and solve.
Having a 1 line means I need strong foundations and to deep dive into research.
I need strong foundations in both my relationships and in knowledge. It is important that I get to follow my drive to investigate whatever topics are pulling my interest. It is also important that my partner knows deep dive study time is essential for me. AND that having a really solid foundation for a relationship is also imperative. It makes me feel safe. It is not a casual curiosity, it is a soul deep drive to know and understand something.
I don’t like to answer (knowledge based) questions on the spot. I need time to research. I often feel very inadequate and like I don’t know enough (common 1 line issue). Even with a masters degree and (almost) a doctorate, years of practice, years of independent study.. I still often feel like I don’t know enough, but that’s just because I know I don’t know EVERYTHING, which I often have to remind myself is not necessary or even possible. This has shown me where a lot of my personal work needs to be done as it is also fueled by my open ego center which we will get to in a bit.
Putting it all together, I have the drive to offer practical solutions, but only aligned ones. Usually that means ones that are involved in topics that I have thoroughly researched and have strong foundations in. I cannot fix or save everyone and everything, I am an imperfect and multi faceted human and don’t want to be placed in a box. I need time for deep study. And I need strong and deep foundations in my relationships.
Definition – Split/Collaborative
Definition speaks to how we process information and work with others.
I have split, or collaborative, definition. For me, definition has been huge as well, because with split definition you might feel like you have two different, maybe even paradoxical sides of yourself, which I totally feel all the time. Definition also relates to how you process information.
It sometimes takes me a minute to fully process information or experiences. Sometimes I feel like I need a couple hours or a couple days to really process something that's happened, or information I've taken in, or a conversation I've had.
Sometimes I won’t even notice that I need time to process, but a day later I all the sudden feel closure or like a loop closed. And then sometimes I will want to come back to it with more clarity once it's been processed.
And so in relationships, I really like to make sure I have permission and that my partner knows that I might want to come back and revisit a conversation when I've fully processed the information, or that I might want to have a conversation once I've fully processed something that's happened, and I am not trying to continue a fight, it's just that I needed longer to process, and then I'm ready to have/finish the conversation later.
I also learned, being split definition, that sometimes I feel more complete when I am around others. And it's not that I'm not whole as myself, and that I can't be alone, because I am very good at being alone, and I'm pretty independent (probably to a fault), but there is this sense of wholeness that comes from being around others, and it's important for me to know that, and it's important for my partner to know that about me. And I need to understand, as the person with split definition, that my partner may not feel the need for that much togetherness if they don't also have split definition.
It also helps me to be more creative and in flow when I am around other people. I frequently go to coffee shops to write because I feel way more access to my creativity in that environment.
This is a great time for a reminder that this is all about me being aware of my own needs and expressing them clearly. And NOT expecting my partner to have the same needs. While I do expect my needs are honored in a relationship I do NOT expect them to need the same things. So there will always need to be dialogue around what each person needs and how that can be met within the “rules” of the relationship.
Undefined Centers
Undefined/Open centers tell us where we are influenced more by other peoples’ energy, they are the areas of life we are more likely to be conditioned in, and ultimately they are the areas where we end up with the most wisdom because of the experiences we have there.
Emotional
My undefined emotional center, has been one of the hardest to deal with, but the most insightful to learn about because having an undefined emotional center means that…
I am receptive to or feel and amplify other people's emotions, which has led to a lot of codependency and people-pleasing behaviors in my life because other people's emotions make me so uncomfortable that I will avoid speaking up in order to avoid their discomfort.
I knew I was codependent prior to learning about human design (it was actually something I learned at the end of my marriage, during my Saturn return.. And something I am writing a book about). Understanding this center better has made me understand why and how that happens. That I am ultimately trying to maintain my own comfort by managing other peoples’ emotions and that is bad for both of us.
Root
Having an open root center has definitely played a part in how much pressure and stress I feel. The urgency to get things done, to always be doing things, to get things off my plate. I just feel this constant pressure to do things and finish and be fast and always be productive. And I think that has actually led to a lot of my burnout as well. Why was I giving myself made up deadlines? Why did everything need to be a rush? Why did I always save everything to the last minute and create this pressure? It was all answered by my undefined root center.
Ego
My open ego has really helped me understand my worthiness issues, my lack of/wavering confidence, and my constant need to prove myself. Always over promising as a way of trying to prove how worthy I am.
Spleen
My undefined spleen contributes to me not being able to let go of things when they run their course. My pattern in relationships has always been to stay until long after the expiration date. I also have done this in jobs and hobbies and even in friendships. Having an undefined spleen explained this pattern to me and now I am way more aware that I have a tendency to do this and why.
Tying it all Together
Understanding my chart hasn’t just helped me understand myself—it’s changed how I advocate for myself, how I show up in relationships, and how I stay anchored in my truth instead of constantly bending to fit someone else’s mold.
I’m not here to be everything to everyone.
I’m here to be me—and to guide others to understand themselves that deeply too.
If you’ve ever felt like life or love just isn’t working—maybe it’s not you.
Maybe you’ve just been trying to live and love in a way that was never meant for you.
And maybe your chart holds the clarity you’ve been missing.