When Old Patterns Creep In
What undefined centers, people-pleasing, and a weekend of bed-rotting reminded me about alignment
I just had the most Projector weekend I’ve had in a long time.
I laid in bed almost all day for two days. I read. I learned. I took a bath. I even moved my TV into the bedroom so I could fully commit to “bed-rotting.”
And still… I caught the old thoughts creeping in:
You’re being lazy. You should be doing something. This isn’t productive.
Even though I know rest is necessary.
Even though it was that time of the month, which always calls for more rest.
The thing is… I’ve done a lot of work. I have awareness. I’ve unraveled so much of my conditioning.
But I’m not perfect. I don’t think perfection is a reasonable or attainable goal.
I still fall into old habits and thought patterns. I still resist parts of my chart that I was taught are “wrong” or make me feel like I’m not doing life right… whatever that means.
Open Centers & Conditioning
I first learned I was codependent during my Saturn return about seven years ago now.
Since then, I’ve come a long way. I’d call myself a recovering codependent, still working through people-pleasing tendencies and that pull to manage others’ discomfort in order to also manage my own.
I know now that my undefined emotional center has a lot to do with my people pleasing. Because I am open to feeling the feelings of others around me, I will often avoid situations and conversations in order to keep the peace. But peacekeeping isn’t always healing. Sometimes (often times) it’s self-abandonment.
I recently made a huge shift in my day job that was very challenging for me. It has shaken things up a bit, as change usually does. It has upset my staff, they are facing frustrations and growing pains.
It takes a lot of nervous system regulation for me to let them be uncomfortable. I have the urge to fix it for them. To relieve their discomfort (and therefore my own).
But, if I am honest, years of me constantly rescuing them (aka enabling them) is what got us here in the first place. Me burnt out and bitter. Them lacking confidence, knowledge, and abilities they should have had years ago.
That’s the thing about people-pleasing. It often looks like kindness but it’s usually fear or discomfort in disguise.
Even now, when that old pattern shows up, I have to pause, breathe, and choose something different. I have to lean on my tools. I have to trust that discomfort isn’t always a problem.
We don’t tend to grow when we are comfortable.
A Quick Tour of My Undefined Centers
Our undefined centers are where we’re most open to external influence and where we’re most likely to be conditioned. But they’re also where we’re designed to gain the most wisdom.
Here’s how mine show up:
Emotional center – people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, codependency
Root center – pressure to go fast, to do it all right now
Ego center – motivation and confidence that ebbs and flows
Spleen center – holding on to people, jobs, or habits past their expiration, fear of letting go
Sacral center – overworking, pushing past my energy limits, ignoring my body’s signals
I’ve experienced all of these… quite a lot actually. And now, with awareness, I offer myself grace.
I can recognize when a pattern is playing out and why. And more importantly, I can choose something new.
Because we experience other people’s stuff through our undefined centers, and it’s where we are most likely to be conditioned, it’s also where we are here to learn the most lessons and to become wise.
I don’t think we’re meant to “fix” all these parts of ourselves. I love that IFS (Internal Family Systems) teaches to recognize and acknowledge our parts, to stop the shame and blame spiral. To get to know ourselves, and all our parts, better.
Which aligns with my belief that we’re meant build a life that works with our design rather against it.
The more I honor what’s true for me, the easier it gets to spot when I’m slipping into old patterns. And to do so with self compassion.
From a place of, “There you are again. I see you. We are safe. And I choose differently now.”
That’s what alignment really looks like. Not perfection. Just presence, grace, and a willingness to keep coming home to yourself.
Tools
A few of the things I mentioned in this article or that I find helpful:
TBM - use code KRYSTAL to get a discount for the pathway
Expanded Podcast - free podcast to dive into TBM work
No Bad Parts - book on Internal Family Systems
Other helpful podcast Episodes:
Where Are You Lying to Yourself? And How to Reconnect With Your Truth with Martha Beck - on Expanded
Human Design, Performance Psychology, and Spiritual Boundaries - Krystal on The Spiritual Ride
Learn What Your Nervous System is Telling You with Dr. Nicole LePera - On Expanded
Here’s to doing less, aligning more, and thriving like you were actually designed to,
Krystal 🤍
See you next Monday
In the meantime you can work with me here
Dive into foundational articles: